| 1. |
If anything can go wrong, invariably it will. |
| 2. |
Nothing is ever as simple as it first seems. |
| 3. |
Everything you decide to do costs more than first estimated. |
| 4. |
Every activity takes more time than you have.
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| 5. |
By trying to please everybody, somebody will be displeased. |
| 6. |
Them that has, gets. |
| 7. |
It is easier to make a commitment or to get involved in something than to get out of it. |
| 8. |
Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.
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| 9. |
If you improve or tinker with something long enough, eventually it will break or misfunction. |
| 10. |
By making something absolutely clear, someone will become confused.
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| 11. |
Every clarification breeds new questions. |
| 12. |
People are always available for work in the past tense. |
| 13. |
Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.
|
| 14. |
Enough research will tend to support your conclusions. |
| 15. |
The more complex the idea or technology, the more simple-minded is the opposition.
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| 16. |
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. |
| 17. |
How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on. |
| 18. |
No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone. |
| 19. |
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
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| 20. |
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
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| 21. |
When anything is used to its full potential, it will break. |
| 22. |
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
|
| 23. |
Measure twice because you can only cut once. |
| 24. |
All the kookies are not in the jar. |
| 25. |
If it jams - force it. If it breaks - it needed replacing anyway.
|
| 26. |
The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the office. |
| 27. |
The tendency of smoke from a cigarette barbecue, campfire, etc. to drift into a person's face varies directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke. |
| 28. |
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. |
| 29. |
The driver's side windshield wiper always streaks and always wears out first.
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| 30. |
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
|
| 31. |
Leakproof seals - will.
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| 32. |
If you are feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
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| 33. |
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. |
| 34. |
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
|
| 35. |
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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| 36. |
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. |
| 37. |
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. |
| 38. |
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. |
| 39. |
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
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| 40. |
Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
|
| 41. |
The light at the end of the tunnel is the head lamp of an oncoming train.
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| 42. |
Life's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. |
| 43. |
No matter how long you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale.
|
| 44. |
No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. |
| 45. |
The other line always moves faster. |
| 46. |
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it. |
| 47. |
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. |
| 48. |
Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn.
|
| 49. |
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. |
| 50. |
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
|
| 51. |
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. |
| 52. |
A penny saved is not worth very much. |
| 53. |
The chances of seeing someone who knows you are dramatically increased by not wanting to be seen. |
| 54. |
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
|
| 55. |
Stupid mistakes are often avoided by asking stupid questions. |
| 56. |
An inanimate object can move just enough to get in your way. |
| 57. |
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
|
| 58. |
The one who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the one who is doing it. |
| 59. |
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
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| 60. |
You can hire a professional to help you do it, or to fix it after you do it yourself.
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| 61. |
The one who hoots with the owls at night cannot soar with the eagles in the morning.
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| 62. |
Try to live one day at a time. Usually several days will attack you all at once.
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