Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

If a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Do they have reserved parking for non handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why do they wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

The light went out, but where to?

Why do banks charge you a "non sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

More Thoughts to Ponder